Wednesday, June 16, 2010

7 Years Ago Today

This morning I woke up and hurried to get to the temple on time. I made it. I sat in the temple thinking about my life. I am so blessed. I thanked my Heavenly Father for my blessings. I noticed the woman sitting in front of me was wearing the same temple dress. I smiled. The dress I was wearing used to be my moms temple dress. It is so special to me. I wished my mom was sitting there wearing that dress. My dad told me that she had lost her husband only two weeks ago. I wept. I remembered those feelings of what it was like when my mom first died. It was empty. I got to hug the woman and I lost it. I felt privileged to be in her presence and strength. I tried to stay strong for her. I whispered, “It gets easier.” She looked in my eyes and believed what I was saying. She was so strong. Her spirit touched my soul. I want her courage and strength. How, when all is lost, do we get up and keep going? She was a perfect example of what I hope I could be in a situation like that. I wanted to talk to her and let her pour her spirit upon me. She was full of the strength of God. She knows and understands the eternal plan. She will get to embrace her husband again. The thought of losing my husband and being alone makes my heart hurt for her. I love having my best friend by my side each and every night. All day today I have been thinking of that woman. I do not even know her name. I know there are many others who have experienced loss. It is hard. We have to have faith and remember the plan is eternal. That is where I find peace.

I sat in the celestial room and thought of what my mom is doing on the other side. If I know my mom she is singing and serving with those big blue eyes and those dimples. Oh how I miss them. I cannot believe that 7 years ago today I lost my mom. It has taken forever yet it has flown by. Sometimes I wish I could hear her sing again or even just hear her laugh. I have been blessed with many tender moments that I know she is there with me. She is still raising Camie and Derek. She still gets to enjoy moments with us. I know she would have it no other way. Camie and Derek are such strong people. I admire their courage and faith.

I have decided that there is no one on earth who loves us like our moms do. So today I remember my mom and her laughing until she would pee her pants. I remember a mom who went to every single basketball game, choir concert, track and field meet and mother daughter day. I remember a mom who devoted her life to God. She did not have to wonder when saying goodbye to us if she was going to get to influence our lives on the other side. She did not wait to fill her lamp with oil, her lamp was overflowing. What a legacy she left behind to me and my children. It is such an honor to have my little girl named Ginny.

Mom, thanks for your legacy.
I hope I can be like you when I grow up!


LKP said...

ok, so you've reduced me to tears with this post. i can hardly see what i'm typing so please excuse any mistakes. you are such a good example. in your memorial post today, you've taught me more than you can know. my husband lost his mom to cancer when we were 6. i cannot begin to fathom what its been like for amazing people like him & yourself to be as strong as you all are. the closest i can come is my parents destroyed marriage when i was young, and grandparents i have lost in my latter years. i know how much i ache for the minor amount of loss in my life. to lose a mother...well, i would be a complete mess. thank you for your spirit. thank you for honoring your mother and being in the temple this day. thank you for being resilient.
one foot in front of the other, right? :)
::special wednesday hugs::

Allred's said...

That was beautiful Shana! Thanks for sharing that with us. We love you!

Stevie and Meesha said...

I loved reading that post. We talked about your mom yesterday while we were coming home. We loved her and still do love her. Thanks for that post, it makes me remember how much I need to cherish every moment with my husband and Daxen. We love you guys and miss seeing you!

Adam and Ady said...

was your goal to make me bawl my eyes out? because you have succeeded! I LOVED your mom! It made me smile when you said you want to hear her laugh because I could hear it in my head. She had the best laugh to go along with the best dimples ever! We miss you guys.

Anonymous said...

Wow...that was really touching! I have come close to losing a parent and it's the scariest thing! It's a sense of helplessness that is unique to the situation. I wish I had a temple dress from my mom. I've been looking at wedding dresses at They are cute, but there is nothing like a classic, passed down, dress!

DeWitts said...

You're so very sweet. I always think of you when I get to do special things with my mom. I try harder to be kind and grateful because I can't imagine how hard it would be to live without her. Thanks for sharing!

cheryl said...

Thanks so much for this post even tho' it made me cry. Losing a mom is hard & I think even harder when you are young & are just starting out with your little family. Your mom IS a great lady & I say IS because she still is. I'm so grateful that I was able to get to know her. It was so fun to bowl with her & get to know her even better then. She is missed greatly by A LOT of people. I love it that your little girl's name is Ginny. I did not know that until I found your blog... so sweet. She will always be someone special to me.